Friday, March 26, 2010
My Son's Birth Day
But Mary kept all these things, and treasured them in her heart. ~ Luke 2:19
There few days as important as the day that you give birth to your child. On that day, your life changes forever. You get to meet one of the people that you love most in the world, one of the people that are going to challenge you and test you like no other person has the power to do. It's a pretty spectatular day. Maybe that is why it is so important to women, it seems more so today than ever before, that every detail of that is special and under their terms, and how they want it.
The day before Daniel was born... wait, let's go back a little further. Just a few weeks into my pregnancy, I had some spotting. It was scary. I had just found out I was pregnant, just told our parents, and we were just getting used to the idea that we were finally going to get to be parents, and then it happens. Before you even meet the baby, feel the baby, you love this child. You love them more than you could ever know, until you are faced with the possibility that you could lose them. This is so minor, looking back, and I knew it was normal to have some spotting inthe begining, but I jsut had a feeling that something just wasn't right. (This feeling becomes a screaming voice in your head the second you get pregnant, by the way) We call the doctor, and they basically give me a list of things that I can and can not do, followed by, "You maybe having a miscarriage, and this early on, there's nothing we can do to help it. It might just happen." YIKES!!! Not really what you want to hear from the person that you are trusting with bringing you and your baby through the next few months safely, with some sort of super human powers...
AND then it hit me. (Well, actually it hit me when I was on the phone with my mother in law who prayed with me over the phone when I was told her what was going on~ pretty cool experience...) This is not in my hands. I have no control over this (outside of not eating sushi, and not drinking my coffee, and taking my pre-natals, ect...) there was nothing I could do to make this pregnancy happen. I couldn't MAKE my baby grow, I could only provide the best environment possible, and the rest was up to God. My 'itty, bitty baby" was in HIS hands. Man, was this just an awesome lesson in just the nick of time!
From then on out, this was God's deal, and I'm along for the ride. The spotting turned out to be no big deal, just found out that I had O neg. blood and got more shots (yippie!!!) and we went right along through the pregnancy...
Well, towards the end of July, about 5 weeks before Daniel was born, and 8 weeks before he was sopposed to be born, I was put on bedrest for pre-eclampsia. Thank goodness for the summer Olymipics that summer, otherwise I might have literaly gone insane! : ) OH, and a loving, kind, caring, super-amazing in everyway husband who waited on me hand and foot and cooked and cleaned and worked the whole time I was on bedrest. He was amazing, and even had to bear the brunt of my occasional craziness when I was on bedrest. (Actually, he bears the brunt of my craziness now~ but different blog! : )
So, the day before I had him, I went in and my blood pressure was up even more, and I had gained 3 pounds (concidering I only gained 10 lbs for the whole pregnancy, 3 in a couple of days was major, aparently), so they did a stress test on me along with a sonogram. I'm not 100%, but from what I can gather, I was having regular contrations without being dialated and only 50% effaced... And when they did the sonogram, he was measuring 9.3 lbs...
After the test, my doctor comes into the room, and says "Well, how about a C~ Section tomorrow" (while we had never really had a firm birth plan, we had discussed the possiblities of the options, and were shooting for a natural (maybe) vaginal birth, like everyone, I believe). These words caught me off guard to be perfectly honest. I'm sure my mouth dropped right open, and I turned white, becuase she started in very quickly "Now,there's a possibility that we'll deliver him tomorrow, and you'll have an 8 lb baby, and the c-section wouldn't have been necessary..." (And I thought, yeah, but he could be 10 lbs, too~ let's do this!)
"But, from what it looks like, I don't want to induce you becuase I don't think you're ready for that, and you're starting to get worse. I think it's time to have this baby. Is this enough time for you?"
I had my bags packed for a couple of weeks already. I was ready. Three weeks early. How did I know???
Well, I went and had all my pre-op done, and spent the next 4 hours on the phone, calling all the grandparents, my husband, other family and friends to announce that we're going to have a baby tomorrow!
Finally, about 1 am I get to sleep. The next morning, I wake up early and get some oatmeal (my surgery wasn't until 3 in the after noon, so I was able to eat until about 6 am, so I woke up and ate!) And tried to go back to sleep for a little bit. Later in the morning, my mother in law made it to our house, as we were putting the finishing touches on our nursery. Earlier in the day, we went and signed our life insurance paperwork, because all of the health testing had been done with me being pregnant, and if I wasn't pregnant anymore, we'd have to do it again, and besides, I was having major surgery, why not make sure I had life insurance? We got home, got the bouncer together, and batteries in the mobile, and went to the hospital. There, my father in law and his wife met us.
I was so glad that Matt's parents were able to be there, because as it turned out, he was really, really nervous. He needed them, and I needed him. It worked out perfectly. It was pretty funny to see just how fast his Dad could run out of the room everytime someone came in to check me, or prep me for surgery : )
It came down to it, and I had an amazing nurse who prepped me. She took amazing care of me, down to giving me a numbing shot in my hand before she placed my IV, not only to make it more comfortable, but to let me know on a small scale what the spinal was going to feel like, to help prepare me. (How cool is that???)
I was scared because they have the Dad's wait out of the surgery room until you have your spinal block and they are basically about to cut. The spinal block was the only part that I was concerned about. Nothing else scared me, and THAT was the part that I couldn't have my husband for??? BOO!!! But, the same amazing nurse was with me, and even noticed how bad my heartburn had gotten, and took care of that for me. You know how some people justhave calming energies? She had that. Again, how cool is that?
Well, I'm all prepped, ready to go, Matt walks in with our camcorder, WHITE AS A SHEET, barely able to talk, but even then, it was awesome just to have him there. Right behind him is my doctor who tells me I look great, everything's set, and here we go! Within minutes after my spinal block, I bet 15 in all, Daniel was born. There is 5 minutes of fottage on our tape before he's born. They have this down to a science. It is precise. It is amazing. Another 30 minutes of what felt like them punching my lungs, and sloshing everything around on the inside, I was stiched up and rolling back to my room with Daneil in my arms. OH, and the cry he made when he was first born~ out of this world amazing. I think I started bonding with him, right then and there, even though I couldn't see him or feel him. We knew we were in the same room. He knew he wanted me. I knew I wanted him, but well, my insides felt like they were outsides, and I was getting fixed up.
And, on a funny note, when they first show you the baby, right before they take him to make sure he's ok, my very first reaction was "You look just like Jessica! (my husband's sister) and my husband thought "You look just like Adam! (my brother)
He was 9lb 5 ozs. He was almost 22 inches. My sweet, beautiful, big boy! Back in the room, I felt some pain, but managable but I was a little shakey. I nursed him, and I was able to have the most amazing (wow~ I know I'm using this word alot, but there's few that are better to describe this) lactation consultant who came in, on her way home on a Friday evening, and sat there patiently, showing me exactly what to do, along with a BUNCH of helpful little hints....See, Amazing! After this, I was really shaky, but again, perfect because there were a bunch of grandparents there who wanted to meet the new little one, so they got a chance to meet their grandson up close while I recovered a bit more from the shock of surgery and got to sit back and ponder everything that had just happened. We had some more dear friends come and visit, and then my mom came. : ) My brother got there just about the same time, and he didn't want to hold Daniel, just touch his little hands. Being able to sit back and see all of the faces, especially of my family, as they met Daniel for the first time was really special. I got to see the love that they have for him, just like I did, the very day he was born. : ) For everything that had happened that day, I was surprisingly alert and not the slightest bit foggy. Even though I had just had surgery, I felt somewhat rested, wich I'm not sure I would have felt that way if I had labor prior to his birth.
I will say, Daniel and I weren't completly bonded right away. When he was born, there wasn't this instantaneous feeling of connection, that frankly I was expecting. I think it was because we were both in survival mode. After something so traumatic to both of our bodies, we just needed to heal. At 4 AM in the morning, after spending all night with him sleeping on my chest, skin to skin, and waking up with him probally every hour, Matt begged for him to go to the nursery. So, after some reluctance on my part, he went, but an hour and half later, he was back! : )
The next day, my Dad and Step-Mom came to visit, and I was moved out of the recovery wing, and onto the maternity ward, and that night, we were bonded. I remember just looking into his eyes and thinking "You're going to be such a great big brother!". Now, I don't know how I knew his personality already. I have always just known, I could tell in the womb how Daniel was going to be. Maybe the way he moved? (And boy, did he MOVE!) I just don't know, but there are things about him now that are coming out, that I knew would. Maybe I inadvertantly encourage these things? But, just that thought of him being a big a brother, and that was it. I started crying, and we've been insepraratble ever since.
Three days after he was born, we came home. I was thrilled to be home, Matt, again, was scared out of his mind. He felt completely unprepared, and probally because I was in charge of the prepreations for Daniel. He didn't know the extent that I had gone to to be ready. I had an excellent nest, he just didn't know it yet! :)
After the first night home with Daniel, Mom told me that she was going home. She had complete faith in Matt and me. He knew he could take care of us, and that we could take care of the baby, and that we needed this time as a family to bond and lean on each other, and she didn't want to get in the way of that. Boy, was she right. The wisdom of this lady sometimes! : ) The first week of Daniel's life was amazing, and just beyond words. The time I was able to spend with Matt, adjusting to our new family, seeing how amazing he was with me, with our son, made me love him even more.
While this may not have been every woman's birth plan, or even the one that I had planned in my head, it was way better than I could have ever hoped. It is one of those days that I will forever "treasure up in my heart".