Thursday, May 13, 2010

The Working Mother

Before I even begin, I am a stay at home by choice. This is what I have wanted for ME and MY family for as long as I can remember. My husband and I planned it this way, and we made it so I could be at home with my kids, at least for the time being. I know it is not for everyone. There is NO judgment here. This is not a post saying that one is right and the other is wrong. If there are biases at all, it is simply because I am a stay at home mother, and that is what I know. Just like a mom who has a job couldn't possibly know or understand what it's like to stay at home, I couldn't possibly know or understand what it's like to go to work outside the home.

That out of the way... : )

I love my job. I love everything about it. I love being able to stay at home and take care of my baby (along with a couple others here and there) and take care of my husband. I love it. It is the most rewarding, amazing, wonderful things that I have ever been able to do. It still amazes me that God has blessed ME, little ME, with the responsibility of this miracle of a person to raise and take care of. God has placed in my hands (and my husband's) something that is so unbelievably precious, it is a honor to be responsible for this life. There have just been a couple of things lately that just kind of rub me the wrong way, and since I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one, I thought I'd share... (here we go again... me and my big mouth : )
I have not really experienced this to my face, but I have encountered many friends who have, and I suspect there might be a few people who feel this way, but I just might be super-sensitive... I have a REAL problem with people who say at any point in time that ANY mother (with very few exceptions, none of which I know in person, just on the news) are lazy or any form there of. I think there is a concept of the stay at home mom, who sits on the couch all day and eats the bon-bons, watching day time tv. Give me a break. I know I'm overly sensitive to this, but the idea that I can drop everything and do something for or with someone simply because I "stay at home" comes across as I have nothing better to do. Really? The absolute worst thing that you can say to me right now is that I'm "lazy". I think that might be worse than calling me "fat" or "ugly" to my face. Any stay at home mom will tell you there is a plethora of things that keep us more than busy for the entire day. There might be a downtime occasionally, for a minute, but then it's off to the next thing. And, because you do stay at home, I think there is an expectation that you need to have meal home made every day, and that the house should be perfect every second, because what else do you have to do? I do know Mom's who accomplish this with seemingly ease with plenty of time to spend with their little ones, and I applaud them! Not me, but I'm trying to get better.
There is something that happens to you when you become a mom. You can no longer put yourself first. (This isn't a complaint~ I no longer WANT to put myself first.) Being able to run out the door, or run in and out of a place, or "run" anywhere disappears. The second you start "running" is the second there's a dirty diaper, or a suddenly hungry little one, or some other small crisis that takes another 10-20 minutes to fix. Being able to wake up, roll out of bed, and be somewhere 30 minutes later is no longer a possibility. Eating a hot meal is no longer a possibility. I'm not complaining. I think this has made me grow as a person in ways that nothing else could have. I love to see how far I've come, and how far I'm going to get to go. It is so amazing to see God working in my life and changing me and who I am to become a better person. I have a LONG way to go, and I'm taking baby steps, but I really feel they are in the right direction, and any motion in the right direction is a good thing.
But~ from the time you wake up to the time your head hits the pillow, you're working as a mom. This is any mom. It is not this way if you don't have kids. You eventually have a day to relax, if you choose. Not if you have kids. It is never ending tasks and chores to be done, and the idea that any mom is lazy is just so offensive to me at this point, I'm afraid that I might go off on the person who even implies it. Every mom works so hard, constantly. There is just no way to describe it or understand it, unless you are a mom. Because of this, I think that mom's should stop comparing, judging, gossiping (me included!!!) and just be there for other moms. We have the hardest job in the world, and the only other ones who truly get that are other mom's. We should have a "safe place" in each other where we can go for help and comfort and just venting (in addition to our spouses~ Thanks, Sweetie!)
Not sure where this is coming from; maybe my lack of sleep, maybe other things going on, but that is just my gripe for today... : )